We Can Save Us All by Adam Nemett

Author:Adam Nemett
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: The Unnamed Press
Published: 2018-12-01T16:00:00+00:00

7

March

i.

Dissent in the Age of Flibberflibbergaboobieism

By Nina Samaras, The Atlantic

March 11, 2022

Last week I asked Mathias Blue if he would let me spend a day at his house in Pennington, New Jersey, and initiate me into a secret society known as the Unnamed Supersquadron of Vigilantes (USV). He agreed to grant me access and observation privileges only—adding that it wasn’t “his house” but rather “The Egg”—and promised if my impetus were to turn spiritual rather than journalistic, an invitation to train might be extended. He passed the phone to a charming associate calling herself It Girl, who told me where and how to meet the world’s newest and realest superhero.

Blue is the recognized ringleader of the USV, a flamboyant troupe of student activists who undergo a rigorous training regimen to support their drug-fueled, flash-mob spectacles. It sounds silly, until one recalls the secret societies of centuries ago, which helped birth modern science, democracy, and religion and which counted Voltaire, Ben Franklin, and George Washington as members. Until recently, Mathias Blue was an enrolled undergraduate at Princeton University. While many in the USV—including several top officers—were arrested and hit with yearlong suspensions for their transgressive activities in late February, Blue was singled out as the figurehead and fully expelled. He’s now a full-time oracle, a magnet for confused youth who line up outside his bedroom door to hear their futures.

When I arrive at The Egg I expect theatrics. It’s a geodesic dome, for starters. Stationed on the front lawn of this literal suburban bubble are a nineteen-year-old boy—introducing himself as “Peacemaker”—and his burly team of ex-athlete bouncer types. The USV’s security detail eschews the sunglasses-and-shotgun goon routine. The key to proper security, Peacemaker explains, is neutralizing rather than escalating threats. Indeed, the group has the support of Pennington’s mayor, Martin Rosse, and interfaces pleasantly with local law enforcement (state authorities are growing less patient, and the USV is on the FBI’s radar). Peacemaker leads me to the front door, holding it open for me.

Once inside, an intense young woman (Sergeant Drill) takes over, rippling through The Egg in a black tank top and crew cut, camo pants, circular sunglasses, and an indecipherable clipboard. She is in charge of keeping the training schedules straight, molding an ever-growing influx of naive wannabes into a stream of worthy superheroes. I struggle to keep up as she leads me to the kitchen.

“After our Big Bang initiation,” she explains, “paradigms get shifted. It takes a few days for my kids to complete the conversion from student to superhero.” She allows me to glance at their self-published training manual, entitled The Superhero’s Journey, which guides initiates through ascending levels of:

1) physical improvement (lifting weights, yoga, home improvement projects),

2) intellectual action (researching and developing a useful “thesis” project),

3) emotional understanding (exercises in interpersonal connection), and

4) spiritual self-evolution (contemplative awareness practices such as meditation).

The Egg is now a full-time training facility, initiating dozens each day with fresh superhero “personas,” costumes, and transformed outlooks on what they believe are their dwindling days on Earth.

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